After talking with the reverend tonight my first goal is to get myself right with God and to ask him to lead me in my relationships. Apparently I'm supposed to be in this relationship with this guy when I don't want to.
I think that this will be a hard thing for me to do because I've let me guard down too many times and I feel that I have been stupid in the matters of the heart for far too long.
The only thing that I can agree upon thus far is that none of the relationships that I have been in had nothing to do with God and when I became interested in following God the supposed other half didn't want to participate. With the current fellow there was some sort of participation but it seemed like a joke.
But since people think that he is sincere about being on the right path then I should bring myself to the correct path in order to maintain my good graces with God. And yes I do want to remain in God's good graces because at this point in my life I could be in far worse situations than I am now.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
10 Commandments
So as I'm on this new path for spiritual fulfillment I was inspired to write a poem based on the ten commandments. Thus far I think that things will be going ok as long as I can continue reading to some more stimulating readings in my bible.
Monday, July 7, 2008
After the Fast
Ok it has been about a week since I fasted for two straight days. I think I got what I wanted out of it. I was not as specific as I should have been but I got somethings accomplished.
I went on a Bible shopping spree afterwards. I have a study bible and will be purchasing another called the Life Application Study bible. Other than that I upgraded my bible from a teen King James version to a New Living Translation version. I also have a bible dictionary, a bible companion, and a bible that contains 4 other versions of the bible. I will be looking into purchasing the Geneva Bible and the Lost books of the bible.
The fast couldn't come at a better time, Vacation Bible Study. At least during that time I was not reading I was studying for bible study.
Out of all this I find myself seeking knowledge and finding a way to use this knowledge.
I prayed for me to be able to turn my life around and get on the right path. I am looking for my purpose so that I can start fulfilling my purpose. I am not a person that like to sit around lost. So I need some spiritual fulfillment at the moment.
I had also had a question about being a minister. Because what will I do after obtaining all of this knowledge? I don't know but I do know that I'm not supposed to keep it to myself and that I'm supposed to share this with others.
I have yet to give my testimony because I've been afraid of what I've been through won't help anyone else. But I have been wrong in this. So I will try and share what is needed and what will help.
I went on a Bible shopping spree afterwards. I have a study bible and will be purchasing another called the Life Application Study bible. Other than that I upgraded my bible from a teen King James version to a New Living Translation version. I also have a bible dictionary, a bible companion, and a bible that contains 4 other versions of the bible. I will be looking into purchasing the Geneva Bible and the Lost books of the bible.
The fast couldn't come at a better time, Vacation Bible Study. At least during that time I was not reading I was studying for bible study.
Out of all this I find myself seeking knowledge and finding a way to use this knowledge.
I prayed for me to be able to turn my life around and get on the right path. I am looking for my purpose so that I can start fulfilling my purpose. I am not a person that like to sit around lost. So I need some spiritual fulfillment at the moment.
I had also had a question about being a minister. Because what will I do after obtaining all of this knowledge? I don't know but I do know that I'm not supposed to keep it to myself and that I'm supposed to share this with others.
I have yet to give my testimony because I've been afraid of what I've been through won't help anyone else. But I have been wrong in this. So I will try and share what is needed and what will help.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Fasting
So I was going to try and fast for the day but that ended earlier than I expected when my 1 year old put his granola in my mouth and I ate it without realizing it. So I will try it again later this week.
The reason for my wanting to fast is that I am seeking my purpose. I am lost on what I am supposed to be fulfilling for God at this point in my life. In the last 2 years of my life I have made some wrong choices. So at some point in my life I went down a path that I normally would not have. I am trying to learn from this and make things better but I honestly do not think that it is working. I seeking to find the next step I am supposed to take in my life right now and not in the future.
A lot of things are hanging in the air for me; like what should I do about school?, what do I do about this relationship with my son's father and where is that going, and I am seeking spiritual fulfillment because it seems like I am a shadow drifting in this world. As I would like to remove the issues that I am having with my family because none of them are communicating with me and it's tearing me apart because I do not know what is going on or if something is being planned against me. The later of that I should not worry about because no weapons form against me, my son, or my niece shall prosper.
In my fast and throughout this week I will be praying for my friend. She is under a lot of stress and I hope that maybe my prayers will open up something good for her. I will also pray that I can truly be able to forgive because there are some things eating me alive inside and no one but God knows what they are and I hope to remove these feelings that I have and had been feeling.
"And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two"- Matt 5:41
The reason for my wanting to fast is that I am seeking my purpose. I am lost on what I am supposed to be fulfilling for God at this point in my life. In the last 2 years of my life I have made some wrong choices. So at some point in my life I went down a path that I normally would not have. I am trying to learn from this and make things better but I honestly do not think that it is working. I seeking to find the next step I am supposed to take in my life right now and not in the future.
A lot of things are hanging in the air for me; like what should I do about school?, what do I do about this relationship with my son's father and where is that going, and I am seeking spiritual fulfillment because it seems like I am a shadow drifting in this world. As I would like to remove the issues that I am having with my family because none of them are communicating with me and it's tearing me apart because I do not know what is going on or if something is being planned against me. The later of that I should not worry about because no weapons form against me, my son, or my niece shall prosper.
In my fast and throughout this week I will be praying for my friend. She is under a lot of stress and I hope that maybe my prayers will open up something good for her. I will also pray that I can truly be able to forgive because there are some things eating me alive inside and no one but God knows what they are and I hope to remove these feelings that I have and had been feeling.
"And whoever compels you to go one mile, go with him two"- Matt 5:41
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